


Silence

by KangKorandKoloth



Series: Assorted Shunnao One Shots [6]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Implied Romance, bleach 685 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KangKorandKoloth/pseuds/KangKorandKoloth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nanao for once is lost for words. </p><p>****Spoliers from Chapter 650 onwards and includes spoilers for chapter 685****</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, long time no see. 
> 
> Reason for my absence is basically, I've started Roleplaying in the Bleach universe on tumblr and that's been scratching my fan fiction writing itch. However, I've suddenly developed the motivation to write some longer stuff again after yesterdays chapter. This is a loose follow on from A Requirement for Comfort but reading that really isn't necessary for this to make sense.

There are no words. They’re lost, stuck stubbornly somewhere she can’t get to and the lieutenant is for once silent. She is the one he’s constantly relied on his Nanao-chan who always has the solutions he needs, who chides and scolds but ultimately gets the job done. This time she can’t, she’s mute, steering her Captain Commander away from Central Forty-Six’s compound in the direction of home. They have won, he has been healed as best the relief team could and has now debriefed those who needed to be. Their day has ended. The mask can be dropped and they become Shunsui and Nanao.

As they walk, she stares at the floor, the elephant in the room large and looming, driving a wedge between Nanao and the man she would say knows her the best, the man who never runs out of conversation. Like her, he’s lost for words, silent as the grave and facing forward as if there’s nothing more important to him right now than moving. She suspects he doesn’t care were they go provided it’s away from where they are. Perhaps he doesn’t want to think about it; Nanao knows it’s something she’d prefer not to. He isn’t one to keep things bottled up either, to let them eat away at him,   or at least he isn’t when he’s with her ; if he’d wanted to speak he would have spoken. They both know the issue, the source of the hurt; they left him behind in the Twelfth Division, aware of the nature of his sacrifice and what will now need to be done. There will be a funeral of course, tears will be shed, memories shared. She knows Shunsui will make sure he gets the best of send-offs, it’s only fitting for his oldest, loyalist, best friend beyond compare and until forty-eight hours ago, the only link he had left to his youth. That link is severed forever now; there is no-one else who can help him preserve those memories. He is the last of a generation and it’s an unbearable weight for anyone to shoulder. Peace has not come easily for everyone, especially not them.

Her mind swarms with questions, wanting to know how he’s holding up, if he needs anything if there is anything, _anything_ she can do to ease the hurt he must be feeling. Those words don’t come. Instead, she offers noting but silence; the right words don’t form as much as she wants them to and they pick through rubble making slow but steady progress. At one point she stumbles and he reaches for her on instinct, as he always does; her arm grabbed and held calmly, softly securely, keeping her on her feet. Again, he’s her protector, her support and, at that thought, her heart gains another crack. She decides that right now this is what she should be for him; the one he can be vulnerable with while he endures yet another blow. She feels helpless, next to useless and Nanao hates herself for that. He needs someone to pick up the pieces for him while he deals with everything else. This is what she should be doing, and as she mumbles a thank you, nodding her head, she knows she can’t even do that. She fakes a smile, a reassurance that she’s unhurt, refusing to burden him with yet another worry. He always worries. 

Their battle, the one where he stood so faithfully behind her, holding her hands as they fought together for the Gotei and their freedom has given her insight, more perhaps that she really wanted or can handle right now. This man has lost over and over again, taking on burden after burden until he is laden down. Some have even been taken on for her sake, promises made before she was old enough to comprehend what they might mean. It might not have been her choice but, the guilt’s still there, even if it wasn’t her making those promises. Her mother asked at lot of him. Now, he’s been dealt one more and in that process lost one of the few people he could rely on to shoulder them with him. She’ll offer an approximation of that, give as much as she can, take the strain in the way that she always has but it will never be the same. He needs his friend right now, she can be many things but she cannot be that friend and it breaks her heart, lump gathering in her throat as she remembers just who great a loss this last one is.

_Captain Ukitake would know what to do_

That thought cuts likes a knife, deep and jagged and twisting, only amplifying her anguish. That’s the problem, the other person who knows this man, her Shunsui as well as she does is a crumpled heap back at the twelfth. Nothing more than a sacrifice in vain and unable to help to her anymore. She has valued his guidance over the years, depended on it and feels his loss in her own way. Her grief will not compare to that of Shunsui’s, barely hold a candle to it in fact. She knows, If Ukitake was here then there would be no problem; her love would have his friend, the support he deserves and there would be nothing to make better. A little knot of resentment forms before she can stop it, burning in her gut, corrupting and tarnishing the image of the kindest man she knew. The Lieutenant forces it down disgusted with herself that she would think that way of the dead especially one who held such an important place in their lives. The man did what he had to do, the consequences and how they affect the one she cares for the most are theirs to deal with. It is selfish to think of him as anything other than brave, a hero who did what no-one else could and paid the highest price for it. Yet still that thought remains, leaving her opinion of herself at an all-time low.

The sun sets in the west and shadows dog them as they return to the makeshift barracks shared by the survivors. He has a private room, one of the few privileges of his position. The rest are left to make do; a blend of ranked and unranked, nobles and peasants in the same boat, just happy to be still standing. This decimation of the classes is a good thing she decides, the thinnest of silver linings in so many clouds. The old fears and prejudices got them into this mess, to see something as progressive as this, even if it’s only because there is no other choice pleases her. Long may it continue, she thinks, hoping that further down the line, when they’ve had chance to adjust those barriers can remain broken.

He once again is a special case, the Captain Commander requiring of privacy like no-one else. She knows he  hates that, deplores any special treatment and on any other day would insist in mucking in like the rest of them. Not long ago, he was one of the rest of them, she thinks. However, she has no desire to persuade or argue and presents a done deal, guiding him to it, brief nods given to lieutenants and Captain’s alike as she coaxes the both of them to put one foot in front of the other down a dusty corridor. It takes moments but it feels like a lifetime . Still in silence, still lost in grief and still lacking in what to say, she gets them to the door pushing it open with an air of resignation.

There is a bed, a screen a light nothing more, yet luxuries compared to what others have and Nanao shuts the door grateful for it. Now they don’t have to put on another show, they don’t have to be brave. He turns and she forces another smile, not that she thinks it works. Sincerity is hard to emulate and he is more perceptive than most. If he suspects, he doesn’t say instead glancing towards the window and she moves on instinct coming to stand beside him, in a way they’ve done so often. In the same way that the one they’ve lost would have done. A silent, unwavering support whether the Captain commander thinks he needs it or not.

Perhaps that’s what she needs to do, Nanao thinks. She is not that friend she will never be that friend but she can think like him. The one they’ve both lost, she knows would want to see Shunsui well looked after. She doubts he would ever stop caring about that even in death. The basics she can do, and the practical side of her kicks in. He has bags under his eyes, and a wound barely holding together, concealed by bandages. He needs to lie down, though she suspects he’ll resist that. She’s seen this before, the man a bundle of thoughts and unspent actions. He doesn’t know what to do with himself she thinks. She raises a hand, rests it against his bicep as much for her sake as his and coaxes him toward the bed, unsurprised to find the little bit of resistance in him. His mind refuses but his body craves rest, she notes. The least she can do for him is win this argument. Perhaps then, once tomorrow dawns, the proper healing can begin.

“You need your sleep”

The matter is settled with four simple words and he lies down, she can’t bring herself to join him as much as she wants to. Instead she sits by his side, stroking his hair as his eyes close; thinking it a poor comfort, her eyes closing down on her pain, jaw clenched. Out of all the things she could say, that was all she could come up with? It doesn’t suffice she thinks, doesn’t come close, she’s not sure anything ever will. Perhaps it would have been better to say nothing at all.


End file.
